How did we do this summer accomplishing all our goals?
Did we get to all our summer plans for self-care, fun, family time, and achieving some goals? If not, I suggest you give yourself a little grace and a break. Our “want to do” list versus our actual “need to do” list may not always match.
For me, my early summer and late spring plans came to a screeching halt. Just before Memorial Weekend, I received a call informing me that one of my younger brothers was found dead at his home in a small community outside of Sacramento, California.
Our family was devastated. We were shocked at the suddenness of his death and saddened that he died alone. We suspected it might have been related to his long-standing diabetes, a condition he had since his early 30s, or perhaps his heart—given the Baue men’s family history of early deaths, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease. My brother Mark was 65. Our father had died at 53. Mark was the picture of health on the outside. He biked trails and mountains daily, ate a mostly vegetarian diet, and abstained from alcohol and drugs. How could this happen when he seemed so fit and healthy, aside from his diabetes? The complexities of this disease, with its many side effects and complications, may have caught up with him, despite his healthy lifestyle.
June became a time of mourning for our family—picking up the pieces of Mark’s life, remembering him, honoring him, and moving through our grief into our new reality.
Grief for a funeral director is different. We know so much about grief and loss, having studied it, being around it daily, and helping others navigate it. Yet, even with all this knowledge, grief is hard, no matter your profession when someone you love dies. I do know this: grief puts us in a fog. We strive for control and to normalize, but ultimately, grief wins. In the long run, we must take the time to mourn, cry, process, and just be.
So, my summer goals did not go as planned. Many things I had lined up for June were pushed back to July, and July’s plans moved to August. And August? Well, those plans have been pushed back even further or dropped altogether. And that’s okay. I can reset, reevaluate, and plan them for later.
Regardless of where you are with your end-of-summer or early fall plans, remember it’s okay to reset. Even seasoned funeral professionals need to take time off to reset, mourn, and get our lives and priorities back on track when a loss stalls our plans.
In reflecting on this, I came across an insightful article by Emily Soccorsy titled, “This Fall Try Reset by Subtraction.” Emily writes about her personal experiment of turning her phone to grayscale—a small yet profound act that reset her perspective. Her experience made me think about how we, especially women in the funeral service profession, often carry the weight of both personal and professional responsibilities. Emily’s story of subtraction resonated with me. It wasn’t about doing more; it was about doing less and creating space to truly see and feel what’s around us. I encourage you to take a few moments to read her full article; it offers valuable insights on how stepping back can create room for more meaningful experiences. You can find it here.
If you need to reorganize your goals or start over, let’s talk. Goals without plans, timelines, and measurements may never come to reality. They need to be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Action Based, Realistic, Time-bound).
Be well and have a blessed beginning of fall.
